for the simplest thing-happiness.

sends the autos swerving, into the loneliest evening.

i sometimes wonder what could have been. so many moments in your life there is a fork in the road and the simplest decision can make all the difference.

i dreamt last night of a friend of mine who passed away about a year ago now. she had made a series of poor decisions that led her down the wrong road before ultimately coming to a good place and finding herself in something she loved. i remember the last conversation i had with her in high school. she said it wasnt fair that some people have it all and others get nothing. she wasnt the most well off individual, and i thought it unfair that she struggled so much with money just to get by day to day with her family. now i realize though that it wasnt about money at all. it never was. she just wanted the life with two parents and a sibling and a half and the little dog and happy holidays, you know the whole nine yards. she wanted for the simplest thing-happiness. i remember her looking out the ceramics window saying 'i just dont want to be lonely anymore.' then like the leaf falling from a glowing maple tree in autumn, she floating slowly, and peacefully to the ground alone. she was gone and only a few souls noticed her as she left this place. i hope she is happy their now.

i wonder if all of these little decisions matter as much as i think they do. small sections in time changing the outcome of your entire life. i wonder if it all really matters at all. are we destined to live or not live the lives we are given? is there some plan for us to fade in slowly and fade out however it is decided for us? i hope what i do today and tomorrow makes a difference not only that day but the day after that and maybe even a few lifetimes from now. until then ill keep hoping and ill keep moving.

tim.