you have no idea where the pot of gold is.

the only thing i know to do is turn up the music and pray that she makes it through

is this all that we can do?

stop.

stop thinking.

stop worrying.

stop trying.

let it come to you. give it a chance and it will come.

you know how everything always seems to work out for the best in the end?

it will.

a matter of time is all that we have here. a matter of time and our existence will be nothing. many will be remembered. a few will be everlasting. will you be? or do you care? dont get stuck. dont give in. dont accept what you have. never accept what you have. you will always be better than you ever believed.

i once met a man on a long pier by the ocean. the clouds were a purple blue. saturation dimmed and the sky became grey. the mountains in the distance faded. the mist in the air became the air. i turned around slowly and there it was, like a shining star. the most perfect rainbow i had ever seen. it perfectly framed the scene. the man said you knew it was coming. you came here through everything because you knew that the rainbow was coming. i had my camera but i snapped some of the most awful pictures of my life on that pier. everything was perfect but i got it wrong. when i found the right composition the rainbow had faded. the man walked away with his bike and jean jacket. i never saw him again. i missed the picture. the man was drunk. i had no idea it was coming, and i had no idea it was going. and that is what its all about. life is unpredictable. its precious and wasted. its beautiful and its ugly. its life and its a descriptor for so much more than what has been or ever will be. you take it and you keep moving.

tim.

when will it be enough? anew?

I got a girl in the war Paul her eyes are like champagne, they sparkle bubble over and in the morning all you got is rain.

I do a lot of thinking about expectations. i guess the truth of the matter is that we all run on expectations. its why everyday we wake up and do the things we do. we dont want to work, we dont want to go to school, we want the end products of those two. it seems ridiculous when you think of it. we spend all of our lives aiming for expectations. we spend all our lives trying to get to that one thing that we want most and at the same time, most of us dont even know what we want. even if you do know what you want will you still want it in a week? month? year? and then if you think on that, what is the point of going after essentially nothing if you dont want to do it?

i guess its a good thing that people try really hard to not connect with whats around them. its good that the average person doesnt worry about the end product, because its all of those self sacrifices that keep this wonderful and beautiful world going.

and for that matter, one last thing i would like to mention today is that in this wonderful world that we live in, there have been people (us) for the last couple thousand years, yet it is in the last 200 years that we have managed to rape the landscape and invent tools to pave the grass away making forests of metal and concrete. how is it that we can put our minds together to create 200 story buildings, bombs the strength of the sun, and a piece of metal with wings that flies around the world, but we cant seem to figure out how not to fuck up the earth anymore? when the car industry asked for bailout, the government should have given it on one condition and that is that by 2011 all cars being produced are 90% clean emissions. its not that hard to do. yeah we cant now, but from august 5 1945 to august 6 1945 we discovered how to kill 140,000 people in less than 3 min 45 seconds. for those 'stumped' manufacturers and scientist i say keep moving.

tim.

dont recycle

laying roots down to soak up the poison for generations

i think that people have become obsessed with fixing things. all i ever hear about anymore is someone fixing something or finding a fix to something or a president or leader fixing something. im tired of it. i know we should work with what weve got but damn. get something new every once in a while. you can still call it a chair if its made out of duct tape but is it at all what you want? thats the difference between our generation and the generations before us. they went out and worked hard for what they wanted and we sit and do nothing but starve for what we need. if people would only try a little bit harder each day maybe things wouldnt look so grim in our country. how many people do you know that are working their jobs because thats what they do and nothing else? i know that doesnt make sense but think about it here. we go to college so we can be told what to do. there are so many people that went out in the world and made their lives without so much as a college degree but now the majority of people pay to be told what to do with the rest of their lives. they spend four years narrowing down what will control them until they die. think on that and then look at yourself. what the hell is the point of all this? so we can see another generation barely make it through the cut off? im sick of this and you should be to. lets get away from fixing what we have and start anew. lets do whats never been done. lets stop being static and start moving. and once you do, keep moving.

tim.

just a brief moment

300 miles
thats what im hearing now anyways. it was never that short for me and i must say that i have been brought down in shorter and even longer. none of that matters though because after the journey its not about the journey, its about the destination. during the journey its all about the journey. the truth of it all is that it never lives up to the expectations. its always shorter or higher and thats all there is. dont over think it or it will get you every time. every single time. the best journeys in my life are endless. the best destinations have been unknown. so in a sense they are one in the same. the importance in all of what im saying is that you cant think about it, just live it and keep moving.
tim.

what if?

what if i were smiling and running into your arms? would you see then what i see now?

as if we can even begin to understand our world. we go from event to event, from anger to love, from joy to hatred, with some elegant transition that can be known to no one man. life is exactly as it is. it is life and nothing more to it than that. we all start at exactly the same point but end up in so many different places. so i wonder, is it the transitions from one state to another that make us who we are? would trying harder on day and less the next make any significant difference in the lives of those around us and even those which have simply crossed our path in the every day. that one small gesture could change a life. that one small thing that you or i do could significantly and irreversibly change ones life and history as we know it. i wonder now how life would have differed when thinking of small daily choices i had made and do make on a regular basis. what difference could i have made for myself or can i make for myself? or is all of this just trivial? are we destined to serve our purpose determined to us by fate at the moment we are created in the world? does someone die because that is what they are supposed to do? you can wonder, but i think it will be the end of you. the truth of the matter is, no one in our society, no one in our time, no one anywhere really cares. they all just want to know how to keep moving. they want to know how to get from a to b and then back to a again. the everyday is everything. i love the people that say 'live everyday like it is your last' as if that is inspirational. let me just say that it is not. how would you like it if i got up in front of your children at their schools and shouted, 'hey kids, dont fuck up because you might die tomorrow and then thats all youll be remembered as - a fuck up." fuck inspirational speeches and quotes for that matter. no one should have to be told what to do to enjoy themselves or look up. the truth of life is that everyday isnt great. most days arent great. its every once in a great while when everything clicks and you see it all out in front of you. its all yours for the taking. thats a good day. its not about the last thing you do. its about the life on the whole. do you remember smiling? do you remember making someone smile? thats life. yeah people die and yeah it hurts, but you get through and one day you die to.

the point of it all is that life is strung together with the good and bad like a giant shiskabob. you may not like the pineapple, but you always know the steak comes after that so itll all be alright. good things do happen amidst all the bad so the only thing you can do is keep moving.

mountains and valleys are all the same.

to make a mountain of your life is just a choice

it is you know? a mountain that is. life is way more complicated than people seem to make it out to be. there are a trillion micro decisions that you make every day that you arent even conscious of. have you ever seen a car wreck? i have many a time (mostly because the light on the way to work was always broken and people would tbone all the time). you sit and watch and for the moment it happens there is nothing else happening. your heart is between beats. you can hear the sound of the metal and glass crunch as the rubber melts like butter to the asphalt. then, as quickly as it came, it is gone and now its just the aftermath. every decision you make consciously and otherwise is always playing in. think if you had walked with steps an in further than usual the entire day, then you would have gotten to the light before the other guy and you would be the one staring forward hoping nothing on you is broken and its just the car. people dont think about that stuff. not that they should, it just seems like something that could potentially end your life should be given a little bit of thought every once in a great while.

think about it next time you see it happen for better or worse. every single action or non-action has an effect and it doesnt matter what you do the world is going to keep moving and everything will happen according to plan. all you can do is think and keep moving right along side it.

tim.

safety

wait out the days, until death comes to claim anything life didn't already take.

a sad truth in our world today. i get tired of hearing all of the things that are taken away from us every day. whether it be spiritual or physical, our everyday is being changed and formed to fit some sort of safe ideal. my father would always refer to windows xp as being the childrens version of windows. it was rounded on the edges so that the user wouldnt cut themselves. a sort of 'safety scissor operating system.' sadly that is what everything is coming to though. how many times in the day do you see a sign that reads something to save your life? vitamins, guns, organic, hybrid, security, speed limits. it all is there to protect us, but what do we need protecting from? sit inside your house all day and be safe. eliminated all contact with other human beings. take away the joy you may have of eating raw fish. never step outside your boundaries to have fun. so many things are taken away to make us 'safe' but what are we saving if we never live our lives? 

so i guess what im saying is step out of line a little even if it means youll get strip searched at the airport. as far as we know you only live once so you might as well live, and most importantly, keep moving.

tim.

keep moving

i go to art school. when youre in high school everyone always saw the theatre kids and the art kids and said they were different, or at least thought it. it is amazing to me now to think of how different the 'art kids' were when i look around. it seems that no matter where you are in life, or what groups you are in, there will always be an underlying sense of class and place of belonging. here i am at art school and there are still the jocks, there are still the nerds, there are still the theatre kids, there are  still the stoners, the stuck up pricks, the 'im not friends with anybody' s. they are all here. no matter what they were, they are them now.

i spend a lot of time watching and analyzing these people and wonder what it is they are thinking. its like a dog that walks around, looks out the window, sniffs the couch, then sits back down. is the dog really thinking? or is it just going through the motions. in a few years these people will be in charge of things. thats horrifying to me. the people down the hall from me live off of daddys money and are always high or low on some drug of the moment. what are those people going to contribute to society? what about the girl that always reads every page of every textbook and memorizes the right answer for every test and exam and does every piece of work exactly to the script which makes it 'good'? what happens to her when theres no more book to read? no more test to take? yeah shes the best student, but how does she live?

i worry about this, but then i just look on. look at people you know who are far past school and think of how they are living. nothing more than children in big people clothing. i used to think that the difference between children and adults was intelligence, but i now know that it isnt that at all. adults are just the same as children, its just that some unknown power grants adults the power to define what they are doing as right whether it is or not. i would give an example here but given the state of the world i dont find an example to be necessary.

despite it all i suppose we can find solace in the thought that it all keeps moving.

tim.