in the morning it will be a different day. it amazes me how much of a difference that makes. nothing truly has changed yet we see the sun rise and all of our conceptions and perceptions and ideas of what is can completely change.
i find myself finding myself of late. i know to many that doesnt make sense, but i hope there are a few of you out there that maybe understand that a little bit, whether through personal experience or otherwise. i dont mean to be incredibly profound and if thats what your getting then take a step back and see what i mean. we all have a personality and a personal identity that we have and that we struggle with. i can only speak of my own experiences on this one. i have changed over and over again. sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. this is what gets me though, when you change for the good or you do something good it is what is expected, but if you turn around and fuck something up you are suddenly a monster. the reason i point this out is because ive been battling with this in my life the last few months. the ability to rise out of ashes is one that has to be learned and grown to perfection. there is no partial out of the ashes. its all or nothing. im confusing right now, im sorry. what i mean is that im tired of working my ass off to do something good and getting a nod of satisfaction, but getting a ruler pressure transfered to my knuckles when i make the smallest mistakes in a time of exhaustion. what happened to those good days? what happened to feeling good about what we do/did/working towards? now im sorry for ever making a goddamn mistake and im sorry for not being perfect and im sorry for being more than anyone else ever has been and you not seeing that. to be honest im getting tired though. i dont know how you keep moving.
tim.
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