was an honest man asked me for the phone, tried to take control.
i wonder everyday what i am going to do the rest of my life. for someone under 25 to know what they are going to do is a joke. everyone in this country makes such a big deal out of what job you have or what profession you take up. from the moment you enter school here it is a matter of if you are in the advanced class or the normal (slow) class. every test you take even in elementary school the teachers make sure they get your hearts pounding and the idea that if you miss more than 20% of the questions you will lead a mediocre life at best with no hope of advancement from your lowly caste. schools rate you in numbers. they call the highest one the best (valedictorian) and the lowest one gets to clean the school or some other wonderful institution for the extent of his/her days. its great isnt it? i mean i feel anxious just thinking about it all and i have already gone through the worst parts of it. the best part about the whole thing, is that i did wonderfully in school. i wasnt the best but i made sure to cross every t and dot every i (especially since those are the first two letters of my name) and i did every extra credit or opportunity that was available. the best and most wonderful part of all of that is that i didnt learn from any of that what i wanted to do with the rest of my life. think of all of the years and money invested in all of that. not a waste, but not very successful id say.
after all of that the most influential part in my life would be a 6 dollar slr from goodwill when i was in 4th grade. it wasnt the best, but it did what it was made for. capturing reflected light, freezing it and reproducing it (sounds much cooler than photographer). 6 dollars and one afternoon and i was sold. now i go to school for it and surprise, its not as cut and dry as that. to be successful you have to pick a good minor and focused major in a field of photo. then you have to take the right professors. youve got to figure this all out quickly or youll be late and out of the loop then its all downhill. right now the only part ive really truly got down is photo. the rest will work its way out i suppose.
the point of all of this though is the rest of my life and im not sure what i want to do with it. someone once told me that they werent sure about a lot of things, but the one thing they were sure of was that they wanted to be a mom. and she has it there. life isnt about what you spend your days doing or how much money you make or what you drive. its not about the job you start with the job you work or the job you end with. life is about getting back what you put into it and the only thing that is a sure fire truth to that is life. now im not sure what i want to do in life but there is one thing i am positive i want, and that is to be a husband to that girl and a father to our children.
all this i want, thus, i keep moving.
tim.
No comments:
Post a Comment