i wish you would see it as it was.

all my troubles and my justice fades on such cold steel.

i found this picture of us. do you remember that? it was one of those grand old road trips we took. through our father's double reflex top down camera (i think it was his father's) he shot the happiness of the delusional. fitting that it was below the oldest magnolia in bay st louis named the friendship tree and now that tree is gone. if you want us to be somewhere make it there. make it where we were both happy. were it was fun. if you arent aiming for that, i dont want any part of that.

i always thought that you could handle it. the truth. when i was little i looked up to you for everything. i supposed you must have been doing something great for them to give you everything. i guess the fact of the matter is that you never really know someone who shares your blood. they are always a little bit out of reach because they know a little too much about you. they cant let you in if you are already in the living room. see, its impossible. sometimes i see your eyes. i can see they are open and i want to grab them and pull them open. i wish you would see it as it was. i know this is just another passing stage that will ultimately tear you apart as any other. can you not see that i ran like hell and rolled to put out the fire? smoothing it out with oil just makes it hotter. besides that you just swam in gasoline. youre doomed either way. i think it was sometime back that i knew you were going to do it. i told you dinner was ready and you stopped. you came down and ate and you werent even there. i changed your fate and you owe me, but i wont tell you that ever. you will never know the truth behind it all because its the one thing i dont have the balls to tell you. youll just have to sit and realize it all for yourself. and when you fall off that pedestal of knowledge you will be next to me doomed to repeat the cycle over and over again. as much as it pisses me off to no end, ill be there for you. for every damn stage. you better die before me one day though, because if you live longer ill blame you for years lost. frustrating me always, yet i always keep moving.

tim.