at an intersection.

though ill never forget your face sometimes i cant remember my own.

do not ever forget the people that have helped you to where you are. they are small and chances are you have forgotten a lot of them. when i think back though, there are people and persons in my life that i may have only known for a little bit. a few minutes. just a little glance. but sometimes thats all it takes.  it seems strange to think about now, but i can remember just a person that was walking on the crosswalk in front of me at the intersection. they did not even know that i was looking at them, but they influenced me. maybe it was the clothes they were wearing, maybe it was just the way they carried themselves, but they influenced me nonetheless. those simple every days can change your life. you probably just do not know it at the time, but eventually you will whether you will admit it or not. as i think about it though, i hope there is someone out there who thinks about me walking in front of them or maybe sharing a smile that influenced their life. i hope that i have made an impact on the world, if only for just holding the door for someone that looked like they needed it. when i feel like i do not make a difference, it is this that makes me keep moving.

tim.

just thinking.

girl in a red dress, passes you by, a hurried deception, glean to her eye...

i wonder now what you are doing. you seem to have a hold on me. an inexplicable control of my every moment. i wish i could get free, but all the same i love it. its what i try so hard for. acid dripping into water, my reaction is always wild to you. wish it was not, but i think we both love it. where are you though? what is it that you are doing? we have come to live together and yet you are apart. explain this to me or at least give me some credit. do not overlook the importance of my heart in all of this. even when i lose my mind, it is my heart that keeps me moving.

tim.

confusing melodies without a sound.

its got me out of my head

and i dont know what i came for.

i am confused. i am lost. i am finding my way, and damn its confusing.

admission is awful. i dont mean in the sense of getting into college. i mean in admitting something to someone. without it there is no distinction between the people in our lives. we have different levels of people that we know and they know more and more about us until they are closest and then they know more about us then we do ourselves. for most people that is their family. their stone pillar. their constant in life. for me it has been no one my entire life. i guess i have never trusted another soul with my deepest thoughts. the pieces of me that scare me and the pieces that keep me settled. 

ill let you hold my heart for a minute. hold it in your hands. feel what i feel. see how i see. but know that it is my vision, not yours. i saw you tear yourself apart. i saw you let them get the better of you. i watched them pick every last piece. then i saw you collapse on the stoop in front of the door to everything you believed in. it broke my heart, but it is always mended. you cant blame yourself. you can only get back up and shake it off. you have got to get up. never give up on me. always keep moving.

tim.

tilt your head a little.

convince yourself that everything is alright,

cause it already is.

oh and what a difference it makes. i can not stress the importance to change ones scenery. either physically get up and walk down the street in the opposite direction or maybe just talk to someone you havent talked to in quite some time. i dont know how some people can live in the same town their whole lives. i want to see as much of the world as possible even if its only a few minutes away.

its funny how the mind works. you can see the same thing in a picture a million times and then you will look at it again and its all different. everything is like that. you just have to tilt your head a little (or figuratively). we accept that things are the way they are but it doesnt have to be like that anymore. we make what life is. we say time exists so it does. just believe in something wonderful and then live it. when youve had enough of that, keep moving.

tim.

happiness with a stranger.

do whatever you have to do,

to get it out and not become a reaction memory to hurt the ones you love.

to think back on the times in my life that were wonderful i am sad because if i had known that some of those times would be the best times of my life i might have savored them a little more. i may have taken a second mentally and stepped back to se all of my friends in the backseat of the car laughing about the most ridiculous things. i may have taken a moment to understand the gravity of the words that i was speaking as you stared across into my eyes that cold night so high in the sky. and yes i know that sounds like a song lyric, but i truly remember that night as that and the person i shared that moment with would feel the same. i find that the truth behind all of life; the absolute constant behind what makes life great, is happiness in any respect. to be truly happy. aside from that nothing else matters.

i have been fighting my battles and not looking at the bigger picture lately. i was thinking about good times in my life. when thinking about what i want right now and what i wanted 5 years ago i would say that in general my wants are the same. heres the kicker though, the best times of my life had nothing to do with what i wanted, they were most often a brief repose from the everyday. they were simple smiles shared with those i love. sometimes you have just got to step back and see it all. enjoy a laugh. enjoy a smile. share a moment of happiness with a stranger. above all though, make sure that whatever you are doing in life has a root of happiness somewhere in it, because life is happiness. and happiness is what makes us keep moving.

tim.

filth.

read me a letter baby.

I couldnt sleep tonight. i went for a walk to a parking garage to take in the air above the city. sometimes you have to go up high to take in something that isnt filthy. but it didnt matter how high i went, i still couldnt get rid of it.

tim.

magic soakin' my spine.

i picture you in the sun, wondering what went wrong

falling down on your knees asking for sympathy.

if i find my way how much will i find? you should be yourself, but if being yourself changes who you are should you really be yourself anymore? everyone has their problems and thats me included. i wonder now if i can fix the problems that i have. i wonder now where i went wrong and when did this happen to me. it seems not too long ago that i was sitting and feeling on top of the world with everything in the palm of my hands and now i have gone to the bottom. the only person i have to blame is myself in the end. but maybe that is a good thing. the way i see it is that the fewer variable there are in the equation the easier it is to fix (thanks algebra), and if its just me then it should be easy to come to a conclusion. and that is really what it is. it is not about fixing anything, its about figuring out what is going on and adapting to it.

i do not quite know where i am right now, but i know only time will tell what happens from here. to start from the beginning and keep moving.

tim.