Thursday, March 12, 2009

its days like this that burn turn me inside out and turn me.

sometimes i think im gonna make it, sometimes i fake it.
dont be discouraged, it will all get better. thats word for word what someone told me one time. every once in awhile i think about the time they told me that and i kind of laugh. not that im looking negatively upon the world, but i just think its funny because they pretty much only told me that so that they could feel a little bit better thinking that it will all get better for them. it did make me feel a little better though. realized when they told me that, that there was no one in the world impervious to the emotional and physical stress that is here. as much as we would all like t say that we are diamonds, were all just a bunch of limestone and the wind is blowing in the sand. it is what it is though. we are what we are. generally thats what i find after a session of profound thinking. life is unpredictable and its best not to say things will get better or worse, because no one likes a boring life that is what it is before what it is. strange condition, isnt it?

i have my days and my nights but dont we all? everyday its different. i see it all a little bit different everyday. so what im having trouble with is finding consistency in it all. i mean its better than it used to be and everyday its a little bit better, but its still a bit of a chore. i wonder how if i dont know who i am how can someone else know me. thats the awful part to me. i get a little tired of thinking sometimes. it would be nice if we could all just take a little break and sit for an hour without thinking, fighting, loving, hating, caring, trying, etc. but then we wouldnt keep moving.
tim.


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